Disappointment

Every day we survive in life brings moments of happiness, joy, sadness, and frustration. We seem to get angry and hurt when others act in ways that we do not comprehend have trouble processing or identifying with. I think that these emotions are all tied together under one simple word "disappointment". I believe most of us are unattached to the reality of our feelings.We say "no you have not let me down" , but indeed they have. We are disappointed in their behavior or moral and ethical choices. We are disappointed in ourselves for not seeing through the facade sooner. We feel like the victim in some way. No one wants to admit that we could not see that side in another human. It is nice to think that we know people well enough to say "i would know if they were lying", but you see that is why it hurts so much... we believe the lie. Very disappointing when we see the truth. You are a victim and it hurts terribly to feel so helpless. The anger you feel is totally normal. It in many ways a mourning process. The stages of grief are all there in some way. Denial, anger, fear, frustration and guilt. Why did i not see this coming.

It is worse when we are disappointed in a best friend or lover because we know them so well. Yes we do know them but refuse to believe they would hurt us.He or she could never lie to or cheat on me... they love me. This person would never steal from me... they are my friend. We refuse to see the truth in front of us. It hurts us on so many levels. We need to see this hurt as a lesson. We need to mourn and grieve. We need to embrace the fact that we feel. Disappointment in others is also disappointment in ourselves. Let the emotions come and work through them. Embrace the lessons. We will be disappointed again. We will disappoint another. Grieve and live. Do not dwell there. It is human to err. It is super human to forgive and move through life in peace.

Cycles of life ...

I have had reason the last day or so to examine the cycles of life that we all experience. Yes i know... we are born, we grow, we get old and we pass on. Blah Blah Blah.
I am talking about the emotional and ever changing side of life. It really is overwhelming to think of the many phases we all experience. The cycles are different for all of us but the feelings though at different times and experiences are identical. Our perception of these is the only difference. I mean really at some time we all experience every single emotion known to man... and many in between and unknown. Every thing from tranquility to the darkest evil touch us all. This thought leads me to common cycles of human behavior and emotion. So every day we have a cycle made up of tiny cycles...lets refer to this cycle an the minute...Come on KEEP UP....Every minute of the day we are thinking ,feeling , forgetting, listening ,processing and remembering. That one minute cycle involves every sense we have and many we do not yet understand. Wow, that is just the tip of the one minute ice burg. No wonder we are so emotional at times! Multiply that by 60 and we have another tiny cycle... we will call this cycle the Hour...i know...tough concept! So within the hour we have 60 smaller cycles all crammed into one. What happens to all of that data we absorb.. who really knows for sure.. we only know that in any given cycle something profound is likely to happen... Profound???...yes profound. Noticeable enough to be stored as an active memory must make it in some tiny way profound. After all we do not choose the events we remember on an active level of thought. Now i know you get the concept of time and can read a calender well enough to get where this is going. On average most modern humans will experience more than 75 year long cycles...all crammed with tiny overwhelming cycles.

Here is the strange part... every event , belief, lifestyle and choice seems to have an independent cycle that has a striking average across society. The average go nowhere date...2 hours or less. The average infatuation with a stranger 6 to 12 hours... also known as the on night stand. The average lie can last about 4 to 6 mts. also known as the other shoe dropping. I like to call that one the REALLY phase... Totally awesome but dreadfully revealing phase.Average church membership... 5 years. Monogamy in a relationship...7 years if you are lucky. Marriage 6 mts in America. Sexual desire..1to 3 yrs broken into 2 to 3 week cycles. Arguments...every 2 to 4 weeks. Average marriage 30 years ago...Life. New car...6 mts..replaced within two years. Television usually every 3 to 5 years. Sneakers..up to 10 years. Tuxedo Life. Roof  7 years. Garden life. Wallet 3 years. Sun glasses 1 month. False teeth ...life. Wow we sure do have some crazy cycles. Do we really have such distorted values??? Within each of these cycles there are different cycles ending and beginning. If we could separate out desires from the natural cycles and input good core values we would all be apt to put more value on the human parts of our cycles.

Venting.... Some times people suck!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...... I get so frustrated with people some times! Who gives people the right to judge other people. We all do it on a constant basis even though mostly on a subconscious level. Since when is it acceptable to out rite judge another, Or take advantage of another person's good will and open nature. Predators is what that makes us. We are indeed the most devious and selfish of predators.  We prey on the emotions and energies of other human beings. I would like to think myself a bit above that behavior...but then i feel backed into a corner and it is stomp or be stomped. The home lives we should treasure are far too often taken for granted and abused. In the work place healthy competition is very necessary and even then taken too far. Our love lives are the same...i love you as long as it is convenient and easy...as long as you get out of my way and let me do whatever i choose...even if it hurts you and i both. Our relationships with our children are the same... i am bigger and stronger and do what i say or else.Or else what?...i am going to throw a fit as a child and kick and scream...Really???!!!  I may not have all of the answers..but neither do you! You are no better than i am! You have more money...who cares! You can not take it with you ! Do not see yourself as superior just because you fit someone else vision of success. In the end you are a sack of bone...just as ugly as me! In the end i will have touched the heart of some one and changed their life for the better. Can you say the same? Will people say " I am better for knowing them" ? That is what matters in the end. The feeling you leave behind.  So many bring religion into the topic of death and the meaning of life.... Take your god out of the equation and what is left...You and your treatment of other human beings.Some believe in judgement... what if the person you just destroyed is your judge? I hope all of the people i care about know how much i appreciate them and their station in life. I hope the love i entrust you with and the love you give in return is honest and pure. There is a person in my past , present or future that is a teacher of life lessons...good and bad...thank you for your lesson...even if it hurts. There are so many people out there that i have hurt... i hope there was some good that came from knowing me.

Hello 2011....

Well it is 2011... another year gone by. I am so Happy to see that so many of us are still here! Many of you know that i ended my year with a minor surgery on my arm. Yesterday i was lucky enough to have a tooth surgically removed....awesome huh. It is all good though, i would much rather suffer surgical pain for a bit than have any complications such as infection...illness...pain... even Cancer. I guess that means i am actually off to a good start. Since i was laid off i have been thinking so much about what i am going to do with my future and the amazing array of possibility in front of me. My home life really took a crazy turn or ten last year and not all of those turns have been for the worst. The turns have forced me to continually re examine even my smallest choices. There is nothing at all that can be done to change the events that have led any of us to where we are today... we can however be a bit more thoughtful about our tomorrows. I think that is the thing i will resolve to do most of all. I need to slow down and let tomorrow happen... i can only effect my own actions if i am aware of them. To be really aware we need to remove ourselves from the equation and see where we really stand.