As a mother of five children i see a lot of confusion about love vs. obsession with my children and many of their friends. I even see the confusion in adults all over the world. After the break up of my daughters friend and her boyfriend the friend was reaching out for attention and emotional support. My very wise daughter tried to tell her friend that what she was feeling was not love but obsession and was very counter productive. The truth is that we as modern human beings are most often confused by the idea of love. How do we explain the difference between love and obsession? As a person who has experienced both i can tell you that love is a healthy and fulfilling emotional state and obsession is negative and even deadly state of mind with much confusion. Love and obsession are defined as follows:
Obsession:
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=54461
Obsession:
a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling
Love:
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
The difference on paper is very clear. Some research shows that a depressed society literally can not see the difference between the two. After some research and a lot of thought i have modernized the definitions as follows:
Love:
A feeling of fondness and trust in another. The desire to spend quality time with another being. Feeling fulfilled after spending time with the other. The mutual knowing that the other person trusts you enough to give you space and time to live your separate life and to achieve your goals. The desire to see your partner succeed in all aspects of life both public and private.
Obsession:
The desire to have constant contact and communication. A need to keep tabs on the actions of the other. The feeling that your other will abandon you. The unhealthy desire to control the actions and feelings of the other person. A constant fear that the other person is unfaithful or will be the moment they get a chance.A desire for quantity as apposed to quality time.
The signs that the involvement is a potentially dangerous Obsessive situation are as follows.
- Constant texts and phone calls
- Sneaking a peek at personal information such as emails, texts, phone call logs.
- A feeling of mistrust
- Irrational fear of losing the other person
- The desire to spend all of one's free time with the other person
- Starting fights to re assure your place in the others life
- the need for the constant attention or the other person
- A deep desire to posses the other person emotionally and or physically.
I have added a link to a great conversation about the topic.