confused

I am not sure what is bugging me. I am not sure why. I find myself drawn in all of these new directions.Unfamiliar territory i suppose.In general i am a fear nothing sort of person. I actually could care less what people think of me...until recently that is.
I always try to respect others. I care so much about their well being that i tend to get hurt alot.You could describe me as Solitary Green Wiccan. I have a great love for humanity.I always know just what those around me need from me. And give it if i can. I wave a lot of questions about me recently...and am not sure why..or who to talk to about it. I guess i am so used to helping others that i am not sure where to turn when i need guidance.As i said...confused!

Mother

I am above all things a mother.From this i take pride and joy.As difficult as things may be,i know I'm doing right when any of my children look at me. Some people attempt to judge me...for them i feel ashamed.There is much more to me than mother. Some that i know seem to see. They manage to see the woman that glows deep within me!

Knowing is scary.

To get to know another human is a really scary thought. It should be. When we meet a fellow human we show them a side that we want them to know. Yes we do...but that is normal. The learning of another soul is sometimes the best part of the journey! Learning the little things as we go is exciting. But what happens when you come to the point that there is nothing new...or you no longer like what you see....scary thought huh? What happens if that exciting person ends up a goalless creature who has no drive to improve?Do you move on? Do you act like it does not bother you? Yes, act...because without our dreams and goals we are stagnant. When we are stagnant we no longer can thrive. There for our human instinct to grow and evolve is lost to a sadness of spirit. We can not be happy there for long. We need stimulation and growth.

Thinking

I was thinking about the ability to read minds...Wow scary thought! I tried to keep track of my thoughts for a while...thinking that if someone could read my mind...What would they think? I caught myself thinking about a rather wide array of subjects. I thought a lot about how my thoughts would make others feel. I think i passed my own little test. I could not isolate any specific thoughts that would really hurt another human.

Then i began to wonder about the human state..How do other people measure the importance of their thoughts? I know from experience that negative thoughts breed negative actions. Do violent people have the understanding of others or even them selves..to even attempt empathy? Can we train ourselves to feel empathy? If the human mind is as complex as scientists say...how could they possibly even begin to properly diagnose mental illness? I wonder how much easier it would be to aide a mentally ill person if we really knew what was going through their minds when they act out. Could the average stable person handle the thoughts of a disturbed mind. Is it really a disturbed mind.. Maybe some of these people react to the dark side of all of our thoughts. Are we all responsible in some way for the sickness in our society?

Studies frequently show that an empath can suffer severe emotional and physical pain when exposed to people who are in mental or physical pain. Could this cause one to snap?Could a child empath whom is never educated about empathy and how to control the influx of emotion and feeling grow to be disturbed? I would think that it is very likely.Our society is growing more accepting of the minds inherent sixth sense abilities. Maybe someday we will be able to recognize the ability to train the disturbed mind to Experience empathy in a positive way and better serve all humanity without the mask of psychotropic drugs and inhumane treatment.

Part 1-untitled short story

It could not have been much past 9pm when the feeling came over her. The feeling that she was not alone. It was a familiar feeling...but unsettling just the same. More often than not it was the effect of spending the evening alone watching old horror movies. This was different. She tried to get to sleep and just ignore the nagging idea that someone was there. Just out of sight...but there. Waiting for the perfect moment to make their presence known. Why? Who?

By the time 10:30 came ,She was not far from paranoid.She sprang from her Shaker style bed. This feeling she could no longer ignore was starting to consume her. She began to search her room...first under the bed. Then in the closet...nothing. As she turned toward the picture window A chill ran down her spine, Sure the presence was tucked between the open drapes and the wall. Grabbing the candle stick from the writing desk in the opposite corner of the room, She slowly crept toward the window, holding her breath as if it would not hear her coming. Of course it could hear her..even see her. She was beginning to regret this move to the country. There no one Would notice a struggle or even the screams of a woman being brutally attacked in the small hours. One step at a time she told herself. As the raised the candle stick and inched slowly fore ward She was certain this thing..or insane person would spring toward her using the drapes to blind and subdue her. One more step and she could reach the drapes, yank them aside and strike the intruder all in one fast move. Lunging fore ward and grabbing at the drapes she nearly fell through the window. As she frantically shuffled through the drapes she began to cry realizing there was no one there. She fell to her knees in a moment of fear and relief. Gathering her wits. She turned to look around the room again and realized that if there was someone there..even out side. They may still come for her.

Somebody told me...

Somebody told me that one day you would break my heart. They told me you would use me for all i was worth and leave me hanging. They said as soon as you spent all my money...you would disappear. One of them even said you would be gone in six months...another a year...most said you would stay until things got hard,then you would just be gone. You are still here! Still here for me..Still holding on. Still fighting for me.

Somebody should have considered that they don't know you like i do. They do not know that you have an iron will...and a heart of gold. Thank you for being you.

Wow

Wow what a revealing day today was. Some people let their true colors shine through. I am not sure why some of the very dull grey people surprise me...guess i imagined some of them as vivid reds. Maybe i pictured some of them as they are at work. Most of us are bubbly at work. I am a bit hyper at work and at home. Some of my co-workers just walk by with their heads to the ground. Like they are afraid to look at you. I guess it is cool when the quiet ones have loud moments...but the loud ones being quiet is a bit unnerving.

Fancy-free

Today gave a hint of spring time energy to me. I went out and did some weeding in my flower beds. I cleaned up all of the little trash that builds up over the cold winter months. It feels wonderful to get out finally. About a month ago i potted some roses and hosta's...today with the help of my loving mate...they got planted into the cool spring earth.How pleasing to be out getting dirty as i did as a child.I am feeling that distant feeling of being fancy-free.

My needs

My needs are quite simple...i don't think i ask too much...just the love and respect of the people i let into my life. Even more important...my children...Toe-toe..Steph..Anthony..sam...sarah....You all are the most important people in the world to me...my greatest need is you all!

Mixing Faith

Some one asked how people from different faiths or religions can make a relationship work.
To open i have to say...You fall in love with a person....not a religion! With love should come respect for each persons beliefs. Love without respect is doomed from the start! Any clergy , priest, priestess...even any shaman, god or goddess or will tell you that.In my teens i dated a Catholic and very much enjoyed celebrating his faith with him. Even though i did not share the beliefs it was nice to be there for someone. Participating in a loved ones faith {even if it is not yours} is to share in the soul of them. Understanding that the other persons faith is a major part of who they are...and appreciating that fact is a true act of love and respect. If you are really in love with someone...remember our faith guides us to where we are today.Be thankful that the one you love has a solid footing in some thing spiritual...no matter what it is.

Wondering

I am wondering about the human capacity for trust. Does anyone really trust any one else completely? Why is trust so important to me? I mean people always talk about trusting others...but i think it is natural to have some doubts. We just should not let them take over our lives. I am pretty sure my man trusts me ....but he makes little snide remarks some times that make me wonder. Then again i am sure i do the same to him. Not that i try to but i am sure i have. I recently started a myspace...mainly to keep up with the kids....but some friends will end up there I'm sure...maybe even some co-workers. But in no way do i intend to look around for something different...I am happy with the life i have. I am sure if he had one i would want to check it out though. I have said before that i know he has a wondering eye...fine, as long as it does not wonder to deep......no deep thought allowed....ha ha! I have even pointed out a hottie or two for him myself......i guess I'm good like that. I guess i wonder how i can trust at all with all i have been through. Maybe it all comes down to knowing how much life i would miss out on if i did not allow others to get close to me. I look back on my life and hope that i never hurt another human enough to cause them to miss trust others. I also hope that no one ever gives me a reason to close my self off to the rest of the world.