Falling Down

For those who are under the impression i am strong...You are in for disappointment..

For the greater part of my life i have busted my ass to support and raise my children. Not just push them until they could hold their own, or even throw money at them so they shut up...Hell No!!! I have tried to instill in them a true and honest life style... I have dealt with the issues most parents ignore thinking that it would make a difference. It seems all i have achieved is tons of stress for me! I am Falling Down, not even sure if i want to try and get back up after the fall has ended. I am in no way saying that my children are not Amazing...indeed they are...just that i feel like all of my trying has been just trying. Ever so slowly wearing me down...slowly wrenching the pleasure from my heart. I do feel as though i have let the ones i was trying so hard to help down. I have worked so hard only to have them unable to cope with the world around them in so many ways. I feel as though they would be better off with the criminals they know as Dads family. How did loving them hurt them? As i am falling down i begin to welcome the pain that we associate with hitting bottom. This is not a cry for help..i am not asking for pity or attention...i really could do without the attention i do get. I am just being honest in telling you that i am fragile as a child and break like the rest of you....the only difference is....there is none...i am simply aware that i am falling down. Falling down with no desire to climb back to my feet simply put just means that when i am done kicking and screaming i will have only one choice...Falling up. So do not bother trying to help me,or talk me through my child like fit, just know that when i am damn good and ready i will allow the falling up just as i did the falling down