A note on Immigration Education

I recently was blown away by a comment made by a well educated and not so wise person. I am still dumb founded by idiocy of some people when it comes to Immigration... the conversation went as follows:

 Him, " so how do you feel about immigration?".

Me, "what aspect?".

Him, "Illegal Immigration of course.".

Me, " it depends on what you qualify as illegal.".
As he looked at me dumb founded i knew he had not thought his question through so i told him he could respond by example if it was more comfortable for him. After a brief pause he began to comment.

Him, " My ancestors immigrated here legally to Ellis Island and i hate the fact that so many people are here through illegal means.".

Me, " Are you aware that there first steps here were those of an illegal immigrant?".

Him," What are you? Stupid? Why would you say such a thing? Do you know your history?".

Me, after a belly laugh," It just so happens i do know my history, And every person who walked off the boat at Ellis Island was indeed here illegally.".

Him, "What the f**k are you talking about?".

Me, after another laugh, " My ancestors, just as yours came here illegally. It just so happens that they were allowed to stay after signing in. Imagine that... if someone had said you can not stay here than you an i would still be Illegal Immigrants!".

And he walked away... not that i mind.

Love vs. Obsession

 As a mother of five children i see a lot of confusion about love vs. obsession with my children and many of their friends. I even see the confusion in adults all over the world. After the break up of my daughters friend and her boyfriend the friend was reaching out for attention and emotional support. My very wise daughter tried to tell her friend that what she was feeling was not love but obsession and was very counter productive. The truth is that we as modern human beings are most often confused by the idea of love. How do we explain the difference between love and obsession? As a person who has experienced both i can tell you that love is a healthy and fulfilling emotional state and obsession is negative and even deadly state of mind with much confusion. Love and obsession are defined as follows:

Obsession:

  a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling

 

 

 Love:

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

 The difference on paper is very clear. Some research shows that a depressed society literally can not see the difference between the two. After some research and a lot of thought i have modernized the definitions as follows: 

Love:

A feeling of fondness and trust in another. The desire to spend quality time with another being. Feeling fulfilled after spending time with the other. The mutual knowing that the other person trusts you enough to give you space and time to live your separate life and to achieve your goals. The desire to see your partner succeed in all aspects of life both public and private.

Obsession:

The desire to have constant contact and communication. A need to keep tabs on the actions of the other. The feeling that your other will abandon you. The unhealthy desire to control the actions and feelings of the other person. A constant fear that the other person is unfaithful or will be the moment they get a chance.A desire for quantity as apposed to quality time.

The signs that the involvement is a potentially dangerous Obsessive situation are as follows.

- Constant texts and phone calls

- Sneaking a peek at personal information such as emails, texts, phone call logs.

- A feeling of mistrust

- Irrational fear of losing the other person 

- The desire to spend all of one's free time with the other person

- Starting fights to re assure your place in the others life

- the need for the constant attention or the other person

- A deep desire to posses the other person emotionally and or physically.

I have added a link to a great conversation about the topic.

 

 

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=54461

Worth Letting Go

Today i let go to preserve my soul
If it is worth loving it is worth letting go
To heal is to embrace the pain
To soar like an Eagle one needs freedom
I am free

Either you reach a higher point today, or you exercise your strength in order to be able to climb higher tomorrow.
- Friedrich Nietzsche 

This quote inspires me every day to be a better me. I have not been here for a while because i was going through one of life's down cycles. I let other people and their emotions and needs effect my strength as we human beings often do. I am becoming better every day at being unattached to the energies that slow me down and worse yet bring me down. The every day lessons that we can learn are so often concentrated into self pity  and doubt. Doubt in your strengths and abilities is a self imposed hell.The ability to see beyond that hell is a gift we all posses but most refuse to see. Living for the possibilities is a self created  wonderland. That wonderland is where i wish to spent my future.

Disappointment

Every day we survive in life brings moments of happiness, joy, sadness, and frustration. We seem to get angry and hurt when others act in ways that we do not comprehend have trouble processing or identifying with. I think that these emotions are all tied together under one simple word "disappointment". I believe most of us are unattached to the reality of our feelings.We say "no you have not let me down" , but indeed they have. We are disappointed in their behavior or moral and ethical choices. We are disappointed in ourselves for not seeing through the facade sooner. We feel like the victim in some way. No one wants to admit that we could not see that side in another human. It is nice to think that we know people well enough to say "i would know if they were lying", but you see that is why it hurts so much... we believe the lie. Very disappointing when we see the truth. You are a victim and it hurts terribly to feel so helpless. The anger you feel is totally normal. It in many ways a mourning process. The stages of grief are all there in some way. Denial, anger, fear, frustration and guilt. Why did i not see this coming.

It is worse when we are disappointed in a best friend or lover because we know them so well. Yes we do know them but refuse to believe they would hurt us.He or she could never lie to or cheat on me... they love me. This person would never steal from me... they are my friend. We refuse to see the truth in front of us. It hurts us on so many levels. We need to see this hurt as a lesson. We need to mourn and grieve. We need to embrace the fact that we feel. Disappointment in others is also disappointment in ourselves. Let the emotions come and work through them. Embrace the lessons. We will be disappointed again. We will disappoint another. Grieve and live. Do not dwell there. It is human to err. It is super human to forgive and move through life in peace.

Cycles of life ...

I have had reason the last day or so to examine the cycles of life that we all experience. Yes i know... we are born, we grow, we get old and we pass on. Blah Blah Blah.
I am talking about the emotional and ever changing side of life. It really is overwhelming to think of the many phases we all experience. The cycles are different for all of us but the feelings though at different times and experiences are identical. Our perception of these is the only difference. I mean really at some time we all experience every single emotion known to man... and many in between and unknown. Every thing from tranquility to the darkest evil touch us all. This thought leads me to common cycles of human behavior and emotion. So every day we have a cycle made up of tiny cycles...lets refer to this cycle an the minute...Come on KEEP UP....Every minute of the day we are thinking ,feeling , forgetting, listening ,processing and remembering. That one minute cycle involves every sense we have and many we do not yet understand. Wow, that is just the tip of the one minute ice burg. No wonder we are so emotional at times! Multiply that by 60 and we have another tiny cycle... we will call this cycle the Hour...i know...tough concept! So within the hour we have 60 smaller cycles all crammed into one. What happens to all of that data we absorb.. who really knows for sure.. we only know that in any given cycle something profound is likely to happen... Profound???...yes profound. Noticeable enough to be stored as an active memory must make it in some tiny way profound. After all we do not choose the events we remember on an active level of thought. Now i know you get the concept of time and can read a calender well enough to get where this is going. On average most modern humans will experience more than 75 year long cycles...all crammed with tiny overwhelming cycles.

Here is the strange part... every event , belief, lifestyle and choice seems to have an independent cycle that has a striking average across society. The average go nowhere date...2 hours or less. The average infatuation with a stranger 6 to 12 hours... also known as the on night stand. The average lie can last about 4 to 6 mts. also known as the other shoe dropping. I like to call that one the REALLY phase... Totally awesome but dreadfully revealing phase.Average church membership... 5 years. Monogamy in a relationship...7 years if you are lucky. Marriage 6 mts in America. Sexual desire..1to 3 yrs broken into 2 to 3 week cycles. Arguments...every 2 to 4 weeks. Average marriage 30 years ago...Life. New car...6 mts..replaced within two years. Television usually every 3 to 5 years. Sneakers..up to 10 years. Tuxedo Life. Roof  7 years. Garden life. Wallet 3 years. Sun glasses 1 month. False teeth ...life. Wow we sure do have some crazy cycles. Do we really have such distorted values??? Within each of these cycles there are different cycles ending and beginning. If we could separate out desires from the natural cycles and input good core values we would all be apt to put more value on the human parts of our cycles.

Venting.... Some times people suck!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...... I get so frustrated with people some times! Who gives people the right to judge other people. We all do it on a constant basis even though mostly on a subconscious level. Since when is it acceptable to out rite judge another, Or take advantage of another person's good will and open nature. Predators is what that makes us. We are indeed the most devious and selfish of predators.  We prey on the emotions and energies of other human beings. I would like to think myself a bit above that behavior...but then i feel backed into a corner and it is stomp or be stomped. The home lives we should treasure are far too often taken for granted and abused. In the work place healthy competition is very necessary and even then taken too far. Our love lives are the same...i love you as long as it is convenient and easy...as long as you get out of my way and let me do whatever i choose...even if it hurts you and i both. Our relationships with our children are the same... i am bigger and stronger and do what i say or else.Or else what?...i am going to throw a fit as a child and kick and scream...Really???!!!  I may not have all of the answers..but neither do you! You are no better than i am! You have more money...who cares! You can not take it with you ! Do not see yourself as superior just because you fit someone else vision of success. In the end you are a sack of bone...just as ugly as me! In the end i will have touched the heart of some one and changed their life for the better. Can you say the same? Will people say " I am better for knowing them" ? That is what matters in the end. The feeling you leave behind.  So many bring religion into the topic of death and the meaning of life.... Take your god out of the equation and what is left...You and your treatment of other human beings.Some believe in judgement... what if the person you just destroyed is your judge? I hope all of the people i care about know how much i appreciate them and their station in life. I hope the love i entrust you with and the love you give in return is honest and pure. There is a person in my past , present or future that is a teacher of life lessons...good and bad...thank you for your lesson...even if it hurts. There are so many people out there that i have hurt... i hope there was some good that came from knowing me.

Hello 2011....

Well it is 2011... another year gone by. I am so Happy to see that so many of us are still here! Many of you know that i ended my year with a minor surgery on my arm. Yesterday i was lucky enough to have a tooth surgically removed....awesome huh. It is all good though, i would much rather suffer surgical pain for a bit than have any complications such as infection...illness...pain... even Cancer. I guess that means i am actually off to a good start. Since i was laid off i have been thinking so much about what i am going to do with my future and the amazing array of possibility in front of me. My home life really took a crazy turn or ten last year and not all of those turns have been for the worst. The turns have forced me to continually re examine even my smallest choices. There is nothing at all that can be done to change the events that have led any of us to where we are today... we can however be a bit more thoughtful about our tomorrows. I think that is the thing i will resolve to do most of all. I need to slow down and let tomorrow happen... i can only effect my own actions if i am aware of them. To be really aware we need to remove ourselves from the equation and see where we really stand.