There seems to be a lot of the Before i got marrieds going around. Why? Because you stopped. Yes, your life is different now. Maybe you moved, had children or even just got comfortable.
I recently (almost two years ago) got married. Things changed immediately. Not was i sharing my life but a home as well. My husband and i are very much in love and we have our share of issues.A few weeks ago i realized that we/i needed to make some changes.Today i realize i had a serious case of the Before i got Marrieds (a toxic disorder). Toxic because it causes the dreaded Before we got married you... Syndrome.
I know what you are thinking but it is absolutely real!
Yes i will explain this very dangerous syndrome to you.It starts like this. You begin to think to yourself, Geez before i got married i would get up every day and pamper myself. Then you think, before i got married i was hot! All of these things are likely true.
The next phase is where it gets tricky because you have already begun to give in to the Before i got marrieds.You begin to say before we got married You.... yep it has begun. The blame game. Before we got married We would get dressed up and go out. Before we got married You brought me flowers every week. Before we got married You would talk to me. Before we got married you loved my hair.
Then comes the worst part. Before we got married you wanted me! Before we got married we had sex all of the time!!!!! The damage is done!
Now we are unhappy with each other on some level. Now we argue about the towels on the floor and the dishes in the sink. We argue for the sake of the argument. Then maybe we have make up sex and are happy for five minutes.
After the short rush wears off you go about your business until you realize the towels are on the floor again. You see where i am going with this by now and it really is not a good place.The cycle has likely been going on for some time and we still say,
"BEFORE I GOT MARRIED!"
Now it is time to look in the mirror and ask the tough questions. Why did YOU stop doing what you did before you got married?
Now the excuses start. I was too busy cooking to dress like i did. I was only doing laundry, Why bother doing my hair. The game is on and i did not have time to stop and get you flowers. The baby was up all night... and on and on.
Now for the good news. There is a cure.
STOP IT! Stop blaming your spouse. Stop having makeup sex. Stop making excuses.Stop arguing and start planning time to do the things that made YOU happy before you got married and NO this does not mean getting drunk and stupid.Sleeping with that person who makes your heart race.
Sit down with your spouse and discuss the things you are missing. For me it is always looking like i feel great, even if i feel crappy. I wrote every day. I was always learning something new. I walked daily. I kept my appearance neat.
When my husband fell in love with me i had short hair, was thinner, went dancing, and was involved with some form of art daily. We went for walks together and would stop for a break on occasion and just sit together. Sometimes we talked but mostly just enjoyed each other. We sat together on the balcony with wine and music. And then we got busy being married. No more walks but lots of meals out...adding pounds and frustration.No more wine on the balcony....tv in bed replaced that time, both decreasing intimacy and fondness for going to bed together. Knowing he likes long hair, i let mine grow, trying to please him and forgetting how much i hate dealing with my hair when it is long. Projects around the house replaced my writing and arts time. I was changing to become the wife i thought he wanted. He changed plenty too, became comfortable as we all do.
Next thing i knew i had the before i got marrieds. Tonight i am writing again. Tomorrow the hair goes and tv in bed is reserved for after romance or when we are just plain tired. I n one evening i cured my case of the before i got marrieds. I know that things will never be exactly as they were because we all change and we all have bad days. More than anything i realize that WE are married and we both have gotten a bit too comfortable with the status quot.
So do the things that make YOU happy and make sure you give your spouse the time and space to do what makes THEM happy. Be grateful you found someone who you are so in love with that you are angry about the less healthy changes. Show them that they are important and wanted. You have become we but you are still a person with likes and dislikes, with needs and desires.If there are before we got marrieds than address them and allow yourself to grow as an I in a marriage as a we.
I recently (almost two years ago) got married. Things changed immediately. Not was i sharing my life but a home as well. My husband and i are very much in love and we have our share of issues.A few weeks ago i realized that we/i needed to make some changes.Today i realize i had a serious case of the Before i got Marrieds (a toxic disorder). Toxic because it causes the dreaded Before we got married you... Syndrome.
I know what you are thinking but it is absolutely real!
Yes i will explain this very dangerous syndrome to you.It starts like this. You begin to think to yourself, Geez before i got married i would get up every day and pamper myself. Then you think, before i got married i was hot! All of these things are likely true.
The next phase is where it gets tricky because you have already begun to give in to the Before i got marrieds.You begin to say before we got married You.... yep it has begun. The blame game. Before we got married We would get dressed up and go out. Before we got married You brought me flowers every week. Before we got married You would talk to me. Before we got married you loved my hair.
Then comes the worst part. Before we got married you wanted me! Before we got married we had sex all of the time!!!!! The damage is done!
Now we are unhappy with each other on some level. Now we argue about the towels on the floor and the dishes in the sink. We argue for the sake of the argument. Then maybe we have make up sex and are happy for five minutes.
After the short rush wears off you go about your business until you realize the towels are on the floor again. You see where i am going with this by now and it really is not a good place.The cycle has likely been going on for some time and we still say,
"BEFORE I GOT MARRIED!"
Now it is time to look in the mirror and ask the tough questions. Why did YOU stop doing what you did before you got married?
Now the excuses start. I was too busy cooking to dress like i did. I was only doing laundry, Why bother doing my hair. The game is on and i did not have time to stop and get you flowers. The baby was up all night... and on and on.
Now for the good news. There is a cure.
STOP IT! Stop blaming your spouse. Stop having makeup sex. Stop making excuses.Stop arguing and start planning time to do the things that made YOU happy before you got married and NO this does not mean getting drunk and stupid.Sleeping with that person who makes your heart race.
Sit down with your spouse and discuss the things you are missing. For me it is always looking like i feel great, even if i feel crappy. I wrote every day. I was always learning something new. I walked daily. I kept my appearance neat.
When my husband fell in love with me i had short hair, was thinner, went dancing, and was involved with some form of art daily. We went for walks together and would stop for a break on occasion and just sit together. Sometimes we talked but mostly just enjoyed each other. We sat together on the balcony with wine and music. And then we got busy being married. No more walks but lots of meals out...adding pounds and frustration.No more wine on the balcony....tv in bed replaced that time, both decreasing intimacy and fondness for going to bed together. Knowing he likes long hair, i let mine grow, trying to please him and forgetting how much i hate dealing with my hair when it is long. Projects around the house replaced my writing and arts time. I was changing to become the wife i thought he wanted. He changed plenty too, became comfortable as we all do.
Next thing i knew i had the before i got marrieds. Tonight i am writing again. Tomorrow the hair goes and tv in bed is reserved for after romance or when we are just plain tired. I n one evening i cured my case of the before i got marrieds. I know that things will never be exactly as they were because we all change and we all have bad days. More than anything i realize that WE are married and we both have gotten a bit too comfortable with the status quot.
So do the things that make YOU happy and make sure you give your spouse the time and space to do what makes THEM happy. Be grateful you found someone who you are so in love with that you are angry about the less healthy changes. Show them that they are important and wanted. You have become we but you are still a person with likes and dislikes, with needs and desires.If there are before we got marrieds than address them and allow yourself to grow as an I in a marriage as a we.
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